decisions

what is the way that we make decisions?

convenience or sacrifice? greater good or our own good? i suppose that these are the questions that lovers and humans and christians and young people have asked for centuries. how did abraham decide it was okay to leave Ur? how did he even know it was the right thing?

my relationship with God right now is somewhat reserved. i am afraid of talking honestly, of listening truly, because i am afraid of the answer i will get. i fear the silence because it echoes my own insufficiency back at me. is God in that silence? i once preached a sermon that said that God was in the silence. but how can the God of justice and mercy be so damn silent all the time?

God of silence, who speaks non-words and avoids definition except what we can say you are not, speak your silence to me. i ask for the mercy of your silent heart. i need your empty voice to hold me and define me. my only prayer is that you would know me, and in knowing me, that you would shape and form me as you will.

may i die. may the holy Son of God live in me. Amen.