over it, schmover it.

i'm over it.

i remember when Joe Volk told me that he was so excited to have found out that phrase. (he's from Washington. i guess they don't talk valley girl up there.) It is a fitting phrase though. It expresses indifference mixed with some of being irked that anyone would intrude on your life with whatever they are bringing to you at the moment. that's how i feel about school-not because its bad and i hate it but because if i'm honest, i feel ready to go. I feel like I've learned what it is that I really need to learn and am now ready to do the work that God is calling me to do. I feel ready to sink in and begin. But I'm stuck here, waiting and waiting and waiting.

and realizing, as I listened to Kelcey tell her story of Ivan saying he loved her (http://frontrowjo10.blogspot.com/), I realized (again) that this is God's work, that my heart is restless and for some reason always wants to move on to the next thing without seeing God here. i was reminded of my task, of my duty, to take up my cross daily rather than dreaming about taking up my cross in the future. Engagement is important, it is a spiritual discipline. being over it is wasteful and selfish and squanders the opportunities given us to love those that are here and to live with those in our lives.

To live always on the horizon will leave us empty. It will leave us aching for the unknown, stuffing activity and dreams into a hole while the Christ cries, "Peace, peace. Accept my wholeness and shalom. Accept what is before you and own the pain and boredom, the frustration and vanity. Accept it enough to step back and see the swirling, knowing I am the God of the swirling pools.

"And take up your cross and follow me. Leave mother and brother and sister to follow me. Empty yourself into this worthless swirling because I am the Lord of it and I am there."


Always on brinks,
highways that leak fuel
and speak like a craving.

to know that the circle of earth
will always be 'round
hanging from threads tied to vanity space.

sucking into the quietest worlds,
action that's nothing into no one and nowhere
is is is is, is IS IS!

Shalom, my child, and boldness
for the vacuous, reposeless movement circles;
Know I am there, know I Am there.

i pick up the stars
and worlds in between
horizon-breaker valley-shaper,
i empty like a broken pot.